Typically Boys
by alicerosemalfoy
Summary: Lorcan and Lysander Scamander aren't the only set of odd twins at Hogwarts...Follow Envy and Compassion Merriweather in their search for Prince Charmings,through teen-age dilemmas and ultimately the quest to find their true selves.
1. Envy and Compassion

**Disclaimer: I'm just going to say - well, write actually - this once: I don't own anything or make any sort of money from it blah, blah, blahhhh...**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

**Envy and Compassion**

Lorcan and Lysander Scamander, Luna's eleven year old twin boys, were sitting on the Hogwarts Express discussing their latest adventure over a game of wizarding chess.

"Lorcan," Lysander said, moving his knight "I found these curious little holes in my swimming trunks, after wading in Loch Morar on the lookout for the rare miniature Grindylow. I'm not sure, but I think they've come from a Plimpy."

"You'll have to show me later;" Lorcan's eyes shone with excitement, "I thought Plimpies only live in deep - " But he was cut short by a smart rap on their compartment door. The twins looked at each other, "You open it, you're closer." Lysander told his brother, leaning back.

No sooner was the door open, when two identical girls marched in and sat down.

"Hello? And you are…?" Lysander asked, giving his twin a funny look.

"We're Envy and Compassion Merriweather. Nice to meet you." The blonde girls said in sync. The Scamander twins blinked.

Lysander was the first to speak up. "I don't mean to offend you, or anything, but, which one of you is which?"

"She's Envy and I'm Compassion." The girl on the right said matter-of-factly. "We're twins."

"Yea, I really wouldn't have guessed." Lorcan smiled, this pair was rather funny.

Lysander sniggered. "We're Lorcan and Lysander Scamander, by the way. We're twins too." he indicated,

"Funny names, especially yours," Envy and Compassion addressed Lysander, simultaneously tucking a strand of hair behind their ears "it rhymes."

"_Funny names, hmpf, speak for yourself." _Lysander thought. "No need to remind me." he rolled his eyes. People were _always _commenting on that; why couldn't his mother choose another name that didn't rhyme with Scamander? Like, John. Yes, that was a nice, normal name. John Scamander.

"So are you in first year too then?" Lorcan asked, putting the chess set away into his bag; he had a feeling they wouldn't get another opportunity to play while the two girls were there.

"Yes." the girls answered, crossing their legs.

Lorcan and Lysander looked at each other again. This was not totally weird at all. There was a long pause in which the two sets of twins just sat there in awkward silence.

"Soooo…" Lorcan started, looking at his hands. The instant he said it, he regretted his decision. Now what was he supposed to say?

Feeling the waves of awkwardness throbbing around the small compartment, Lysander blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. "What House do you think you'll be in?" He cringed mentally, was there an even more stupid question in the existence of questioning?

"We're not sure." The girls said. "Any House will do just fine."

Somehow they managed to create another long pause, which was bordering on painful. Something had to be done. "Pumpkin Pasty?" Lorcan asked, pulling out a pack and offering it to the girls.

"Yes, thank you." they smiled, reaching out simultaneously. Food was always a good method for breaking down barriers, and honestly, who didn't like Pumpkin Pasties?

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><p>"There's a Giant Squid," the Merriweather twins stated, climbing into the small boat. "Grindylows and, from what we hear, very ugly, Merpeople; in this lake."<p>

"That's only the half of it." Lorcan said as their boat gently slid over the Black Lake.

"There's Dotinas, they're what make the boats rock." Lysander took over, as the boat tipped slightly.

"And Ormigs," his brother added. "they get under your skin and make you feel exhausted. They're the dangerous ones, aren't they Lys?"

"They are." he said. "An Ormig once got into my skin and made me exceptionally tired when I was really far out into a lake."

"He nearly drowned, but I saved him. That's the nice kind of person I am." Lorcan grinned, nudging his twin in the ribs.

This whole recital made the girls cock their heads to one side.

One of them said, "Are you by any chance Rolf Scamander's kids? You seem to know much of what he writes, we were just wondering, what with the name and all."

Lorcan and Lysander looked at each other, they had lost track as to which girl was Envy and the other Compassion.

"Yes," Lorcan said, "yes, we are actually. Our parents take us to all sorts of places all around the world and we help them discover new creatures. "

"That's very interesting," the other girl said, "we enjoy reading your parents' books, it's rather fascinating."

"That's good." Lorcan smiled, slightly self conscious, "Look, we don't want to be rude or anything but we can't remember which of you is which."

"That's fine, a lot of people can't." the twins smiled sweetly.

"I'm Compassion." the girl on the left said whilst the other stayed silent, turning her attention back to her knees. "So she's obviously Envy. She's a bit shy."

Lysander smirked, "That's alright, Lorcan's a bit shy too."

"Yea, but he's also generally the messier one." his brother grasped for a defence.

"Shut up, Lorcan." Lysander shoved his twin lightly.

Just then they heard a loud splash. "What was that?" Envy and Compassion asked, turning around simultaneously.

"Somebody must have fallen in." Lorcan answered, leaning over the edge of the boat to get a better look.

"Lor, shove over! I want to see too!"

A high pitched scream tore through the silence, as a massive tentacle lifted the fallen student back into her boat.

"Awesome!" Lorcan and Lysander said at the same time, eyes wide.

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><p>"Look." Envy and Compassion nodded in the direction of a round faced, sandy haired girl, who was dripping water onto the Entrance Hall's floor.<p>

"She's the one who fell in." Lysander pointed out.

"Well spotted, Lys." Lorcan said sarcastically.

Turning back to the Merriweather twins, the Scamander twins realised that they had been abandoned.

Envy and Compassion were approaching the wet, shivering girl.

"Are you alright?" they asked. The girl blinked in surprise.

"Just a little cold…and wet."

"The teachers will have you dry and warm in no time. What's your name?"

Again, the girl blinked. She'd never met twins, let alone anyone who was so, well, direct. "I'm Clover Finnegan, you?"

"We're Envy and Compassion Merriweather. Nice to meet you, Clover."

Clover was about to respond, when yet another set of blonde twins appeared behind the first. Now she was completely confused.

"Hi!" Lysander said enthusiastically. "I'm Lysander Scamander, and this is my brother Lorcan." he indicated to the boy next to him. "What was it like, you know, being lifted out by the legendary Giant Squid?"

"Scary…?" Clover really didn't know how to respond to this rather strange situation. "My dad fell in too when he came to Hogwarts, he told me so. I'm Clover Finnegan by the way." she stuck out her hand. The Scamander twins, she found, were a lot more normal compared to the girls who still stood there, watching.

Lorcan and Lysander shook her hand hastily. "Can you describe the texture of the Squid? What did it feel like?" Lorcan asked eagerly, rooting around in his robes to find his nature notepad and quill.

Okay, so maybe, Clover thought, they weren't so normal after all. "Um, wet." She watched Lysander raise his eyebrow and Lorcan put his pad and quill away again. Her answer was obviously not interesting enough. "So, do you guys like animals?" she asked, even though the answer was so obvious that even a troll would know they did.

The boy's eyes lit up, "Oh yes," Lysander started, "we could show you loads if you like. Did you know that there are packs of werewolves, a community of centaurs and a rather impressive herd of Hippogriffs in the Forbidden Forest? I really don't understand why it's forbidden, we could learn so much!" he mused.

Clover shook her dripping head. "Rather not, I'd quite like to stay away from magical creatures if I can help it."

At this statement the Scamander boys looked shocked. Stay away from magical creatures? They couldn't imagine anything worse.

"A professor is coming." Envy and Compassion said, interrupting the little get-together. And sure enough, no two seconds later, a little, no, _tiny_ man came around the corner.

He coughed lightly for attention. "Welcome, welcome, first years. My name is professor Flitwick, I'm Head of Ravenclaw House, Deputy Headmaster of this beautiful school and Charms professor. If you'd please all be so nice as to line up, so we can go to the sorting."

Shuffling, hushed chatter and the occasional shove broke out as everyone scrambled to find a partner.

Lorcan and Lysander lined up behind Envy and Compassion. They were about the only children who hadn't had a problem with partner choice.

"Thank you, thank you. That's just fine." Flitwick's small voice came from the front. He led the nervous first years through a pair of massive doors and into the Great Hall. After a long speech by the Headmistress, the sorting finally began.

Timothy Adams was made the first Gryffindor; Gemma Campbell the first Slytherin, Rebeckah Dixon was the first to be sorted into Ravenclaw house and Clover Finnegan was made the first Hufflepuff.

"Merriweather, Compassion." Flitwick called from the scroll in his hands.

"Good Luck." Lorcan whispered as she softly pushed her way through to the front. The scruffy old Sorting Hat that had survived ancient centuries, thousands of grubby children and bloody wars was placed on Compassion's long curls.

"_Well, I haven't had a Merriweather mind since at least seventy years…Ahhh, family home schooled, ey?"_

"Yes."

"_Quite, quite_..._Outgoing, competitive, ambitious, loyal, proud, ruthless and unforgiving in many a situation…I suppose you'd make a good Slytherin, what do you think?"_

"You'd know best. You've been doing this for over one thousand years, after all."

"_It is your choice…"_

"I'm eleven. I don't trust my judgement."

"_True, I see that. You don't trust anyone's judgement who hasn't gained it first…very wise."_

"That's good to know." she smiled slightly at the fact that she was being analysed by an ancient hat.

"_Well, that's it then." _the wispy voice whispered in her mind, for one last time.

"SLYTHERIN!" The table on her far left erupted in cheers. Before meeting her new Housemates though, Compassion stopped briefly at her sister's side.

"It's easy, and rather interesting." she told Envy. "Good luck, to you too." she nodded at the Scamander twins.

"Merriweather, Envy." came Flitwick's voice. A small laugh ran through the Hall as the students realised that a set of twins was under them; and a pair with especially…special names too.

"_Good evening," _the Sorting Hat whispered in Envy's ear _"you seem pleased that your sister is in Slytherin…you think it suits her, do you?"_

"It's a good house; powerful. Power's good."

"_True, true…you're not much like your sister, and yet you are identical…I see…Quite timid and shy, loyal, forgiving, calm, kind, immensely intelligent…gentle and easily hurt… much the opposite of your twin…I reckon Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw would suit you most, what do you think?"_

"Ravenclaw is highly respected. I like being respected, as any human should."

"_You speak wise words, much like your sister. Do you trust in your decision?" _

"You gave me two options, I trust that you and I alike chose correctly." she answered, picking her words with caution.

"_Quite…" _the Hat murmured.

"RAVENCLAW!" The table second from her left burst out in enthusiastic cheers and clapping. Envy slid off the stool and fleetingly ran to her new Housemates.

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><p>"Hi." Compassion smiled a she sat down in a space between an older boy and a girl she recognised from the Entrance Hall. "I'm Compassion."<p>

"I'm Gemma." the brunette smiled, turning towards her. The boy spared her a quick glance before turning back to his conversation. "Is that, like, your sister up there?" Gemma nodded at Envy who's legs were dangling from the stool where she was being sorted.

"My twin, yes. Her name's Envy."

"Envy and Compassion…" Gemma contemplated "Do you, like, have nicknames? They're a bit of a mouthful."

Compassion shook her head "We've tried, but there don't seem to be any. We just stick with our names."

"Well, you can call me Gem."

"Alright." Compassion smiled, turning her attention back to the front.

"RAVENCLAW!" the little brown Hat bellowed from its position on Envy's long blonde curls.

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><p>"Sorry, can I sit here?" Envy asked, sliding between an older redheaded girl and a fellow first year she recognised as Rebeckah Dixon.<p>

"Sure." the older girl smiled kindly, whilst that Rebeckah girl just gave her a funny look.

"You're Rebeckah, right? I'm also in first year." Envy said quietly. She felt terribly alone without Compassion, she had always been the driving force, always the one to talk. Neither one of the Merriweather twins had good social skills because their family had lived in total exile for so long and they had been home schooled by their Uncle Archibald. But things had changed in the last few years and so Envy and Compassion's parents had seen no fault in finally sending their girls to a proper school.

"Dixi; it's Dixi. Don't ever call me Rebeckah, Becky or anything of the sort. I hate my name, it's terrible." the girl said, digging her nail into the table.

"Alright…well, I'm Envy."

Dixi snorted, muttering something under her breath.

Envy turned away from the girl, she decided she didn't like her at all. The sorting continued on for a few more minutes when a familiar name got called.

"Scamander, Lorcan." Flitwick read out.

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><p>"We're up any moment now." Lorcan nudged his brother.<p>

"Scamander, Lorcan." the short Charms professor called.

"Great timing." Lysander grinned "Good luck, Lor."

"_Ahhh…A Scamander…Haven't had one since your grandfather…Another set of twins?…Fascinating….You're very much like your grandfather, you know? Same curiosity there, same will to strive high. You're very taken by nature, no?"_

"I love it! Mum and dad take me and Lys all over the place to investigate new life forms. It's always loads of fun and very exciting!"

"_Yes, yes, and you really do love finding out about things and learning new information…you're by far not ignorant. You've a ready mind, good judge of character, ambitious, enthusiastic, sense of humour, sensitive, calmer and more quiet than your brother…I suppose you should follow your grandfather's path and become a Ravenclaw…any objections?"_

"My grandfather is a great man, and I will be proud to follow in his footsteps." Lorcan smiled slightly; Ravenclaw, he thought, was a great house and he would be honoured to wear its colours.

"_Ravenclaw it is then."_

"RAVENCLAW!"

Lorcan grinned; this was brilliant! Now he would remind everyone what the Scamander's were all about.

"You're up next." he gave Lysander a brotherly shove as he walked past. "Good luck, and try not to mess things up."

"Me? Never!" Lysander replied as he made his way towards the little stool.

"_Let's see what we're dealing with here…confidence, and bundles of it, very strong competitive streak, protective, loyal, proud, ambitious, defined sense of humour, always willing to take a risk, open-minded, interested, curious, sporty, will power…"_

"Where there is a will, there is a way! That's what my grandfather always says. Nothing is impossible." Lysander remembered the words his grandfather, Newt Scamander, always told him when he watched him struggle with something…anything.

"_True, true, no matter what it takes to get where you want to be, am I right?"_

"Yea, you can't stop at anything because, for all you know that one problem that's in your way, may just be the last hurdle to overcome."

"_That is right, very right indeed. I think you'd be an ideal Ravenclaw, or maybe even a Slytherin…it's your choice. Choose wisely, for you will not be able to go back…" _the old Sorting Hat warned.

"I'll take…Slytherin." Lysander said after a moment of careful contemplation. "Because you will never get anywhere if you never take a risk or two in your life. "

"_That's that then…"_

"SLYTHERIN!"

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><p><strong>AN: So, we got to meet a few of this story's main characters and I really hope you like them. However I should warn you that they may drift out over time, and then drift back in...we'll see...<strong>

**This story I started writing a year ago as a bit of a journal with my best friend, and once we stopped to really look at it, we realised that if we tweaked it a bit here and there it would make an acceptable fanfiction. And over time, characters have been added and plot lines changed. I still don't know how this story will end, but I do know that it's far in the future. So you might want to leave now if you're not prepared to commit to stick around for quite some time...and please, no matter if you go now or decide to hang around, leave a review – it won't kill you.**


	2. Of Teachers and Outbursts

**Chapter 2**

**Of Teachers and Outbursts  
><strong>

For the first time in their lives, Envy and Compassion Merriweather, were separated. Alone. Single. It was weird, they'd always been together - they never even went to the bathroom without the other. And now Hogwarts's thick stone walls kept them apart. Suddenly they were in a situation where they weren't 'The Merriweather Twins' any more, but individuals. Now they'd have to be Envy and Compassion - two completely different people. But they weren't going to go down without a fight; they weren't going to let themselves be separated this easily. They had survived the first night without each other, and breakfast was coming up.

Compassion walked into the Great Hall and just stood still as people started filing in around her. As if there was some sort of mental connection, her sister looked up from the Ravenclaw table and their dark green eyes met. She knew of the unspoken rule, you could feel it in the way the students split up to go sit at their tables. You didn't sit at a table that wasn't that of your House. It was just the way things were. But rules are there to be broken, right? Compassion walked over to her sister and sat down next to her. The Ravenclaw table slowly went silent, all eyes on her. "Good morning." she smiled sweetly up at the Ravenclaws, who hastily went back to their breakfast...still sneaking suspicious glances at the twins now and then.

"Missed you." Envy smiled at her sister. "Look, they have your favourite: strawberry jam. You want some?" she handed Compassion the jam and a bread roll.

Compassion took it and chuckled, "Look, they have your favourite: strawberry jam. You want some?" Envy pulled a face. "Ew, you know I can't stand that stuff. You just go ahead and eat it yourself."

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><p><em>First Class, Charms…<em>

"White and Merriweather. Team up please." The short charms Professor called from the scroll. They were supposed to pair up for their first class of the term. Envy stood next to a desk, her books clutched firmly to her chest. Which one was White again? She had no idea.

"Hey, um, you're…Envy right?" a tall, willowy girl tapped her hesitantly on the shoulder. Envy nodded, this girl was her room-mate. "I'm Samantha White, I'm in your dorm. But you can call me Sam. We're supposed to team up, that's what the professor just said anyway. What's his name again? Oh, I have no idea what I'm even talking about." she smiled nervously.

"Professor Flitwick. He's our Head of House." Envy replied, relaxing a little. At least she knew _some _things for sure.

"Oh, yeah, right." Sam pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "He's rather short, don't you think?" she whispered.

Envy glanced at her professor. "Yes, he is. Did you know he's part goblin?" she inquired.

Samantha shook her head. "I'm new to all of this magic stuff. It was so weird finding out about it, I mean, I never thought I was anything special. I'm just Sam."

"Well, that's nice." Envy smiled, turning back to the professor who was trying to climb onto a tall stack of books.

Once the class had settled down, Flitwick securely on his tower and the pairs had found their places, Envy raised her hand. "Sir, to what percentage _exactly_ are you a goblin?" she asked, tilting her head to one side.

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><p><em>Same time, different Location. Herbology...<em>

It had taken the Slytherins and the Gryffindors some time to assemble themselves around the single long table in the Herbology classroom, and quiet down enough for Professor Longbottom to call the roll.

"Farah Butler?" the tall teacher read off a piece of parchment, quill in hand.

"THAT'S ME!" a short Slytherin girl practically screamed from halfway down the table, jumping up and down and flailing her arms around excitedly. Everyone turned to stare, most trying suppress a snigger.

"Oh, no, sorry..." she grinned, waving cheerily at a weedy, doe-eyed Gryffindor two feet down the line from her who had confusedly raised her hand.

Professor Longbottom shook his head amusedly, ticking off the name before calling out the next: "Gemma Campbell?"

"OOOH! OOOHH! THAT'S ME! THAT'S ME!" the same, short Slytherin girl screeched, bouncing up and down and waving at the Professor who just raised his eye brow questioningly.

"Really, Sir! That's me!"she nodded her head violently, her shoulder length brown hair flying in her face.

Roughly ten minutes later Professor Longbottom had moved on to explaining the properties of Devil's Snare in a rather serious tone, occasionally indicating to a detailed graph drawn up on the black board that floated after him as he paced up and down. However, as Compassion, Lysander and the rest of the class were hastily trying to jot down messy notes, they kept getting distracted by occasional loud snippets of a conversation that that Gemma girl was having with seemingly no one in particular.

Compassion nearly knocked over her ink well when a startlingly loud exclamation of "- like, I'M PREGNANT!" rang down the table before drifting back down in volume.

After a moments shocked silence a collective giggle ran through the students, before Professor Longbottom spoke up and addressed the girl: "Miss Campbell, I've warned you five times already to please refrain from talking while I'm explaining something. I cannot fathom what you would have to say that cannot wait till after class. As it's the first day, I will not dock points from Slytherin, however I must ask you to step outside until this class is over. You can copy your required notes from one of your House mates in your free time."

The students continued to giggle quietly as Gemma collected her things and their Professor resumed his explaining.

Compassion, who was sitting next to Lysander, looked up as Gemma stopped next to her on her way out. Gemma was her roommate, but since the welcoming feast they'd barely exchanged a word, so she was rather baffled as to why the girl was now standing there – grinning. "Hey!" she said quietly after a moment, her eyes lighting up enthusiastically.

Odd, Compassion thought. Very odd. "Um. Hi...?" she whispered back, frowning slightly in confusion.

Gemma leaned forward to Lysander, who - Compassion could tell - was trying very hard to ignore the way-too-happy girl behind him.

"Hey," she basically grinned in his face, "did you know that the girls' dorms have strip-poles in them?"

The boy gave a small splutter and a variation of the giggle-snort. Compassion nearly died suppressing a laugh herself, "It's true." She confirmed with a dead-pan expression.

There was a short pause in which Lysander just looked suspiciously from one girl to another, "You're shitting me, right?"

"Yep." The two girls answered simultaneously before bursting out laughing at his facial expression.

However their little moment glee was interrupted by their Professor's shout of: "Merriweather, back to work! And Campbell, I don't want to have to ask you to leave this class room again! Out! Shoo!"

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><p><strong>AN: Alrighty, so I really wasn't planning on getting this chapter finished anytime soon – but there you have it. <strong>

**I've been lying in bed practically dying all week, which was, I must admit, the most boring thing on earth. Really, where is Pomfrey when you need her? I somehow managed to watch my way through ALL of my DVDs, even the reaaaaaalllllyyy bad ones. **

**But I digress. **

**I have no idea when the next chapter will be up, as I haven't the slightest idea what to even put in it. Oh goshy, I really must start planning these things out beforehand...**

**Anyhoo, Toodles for now – alicerosemalfoy (DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!...you might get a cookie of you do :])**


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